No winners . . .

Sometimes there is just not a win position. Today was such a day as the young man driving the car when it was involved in a collision that resulted in my son's death was sentenced. I spent a considerable amount of time writing my Victim's Impact Statement, but did not have a chance to read it due to time constraints in the hearing. I don't feel that it would be appropriate to post it all here, but there are some things that I needed to say in court today, but didn't get the opportunity.

I don't want this tragedy to ruin this young man's life; I never have. I don't think that the outcome today will, necessarily, have that effect and for that I am very grateful. I reached out to him after the accident, sending a couple of notes of assurances that I am not angry at him.

I have forgiven him. I just have never had a chance to communicate that to him as, I am sure that on the advice of counsel, we have not communicated in over two years. My forgiveness will only be meaningful to him, however, if he accepts his role in the death of my son. I truly believe that this would be the in his best interest.

I pray for him on a regular basis. It was important to me that he communicated some remorse/regret. He did that today. For me it was start. A good start.

I will always be available to he or his family should there be any way that I can help in their healing process. That has always been my desire. I am hoping that might be a possibility now that the legal process is behind us.

On Wednesday, It will be a wrap!

"It's a wrap." Isn't that the expression that they use at the end of the making of a movie? Just today, I discovered that is a pretty good analogy of this legal process. In my case, it has been nearly two and a half years in the making.

So, now as the "production" is coming to an end with the sentencing hearing schedule for Wednesday, it dawned on me today that there is a strange feeling that when this is done, things will go back to normal. Except that normal, for me, should include Christopher and it won't.

This process may be done and it may be time for my life to become normal, but it won't go back to normal. It will be time to find a new normal.

I don't want a new normal.

Good and Right?

This month, there was a trial related to the accident that took the life of my only son, Christopher. This has been a tragedy for so many people, but the legal process has been personally very difficult for me.

Let me start off by saying that there was no win in this trial for me. Nothing was going to change the reality that I lost my entire family that night, the hope of a growing family to enjoy in my retirement. There was nothing that could bring Christopher back to me. It was, however, a necessary process, one that I can only hope has some greater purpose than I am currently able to appreciate.

For better or worse, there has been a significant amount of local media coverage of the trial and the verdict. The question that I am most often asked is if I am happy (or some similar word) with the outcome of the trial. My response is honest; I chose not to get invested in the outcome of the trial. As I e-mailed to a team of prayer-warriors who have been interceding on my behalf, on December 7 I was faced with the reality that I don't know what is good and right. If my idea of good and right was accurate, Christopher would not have died that night. So to ask me what is good and right for this legal process . . . I have no idea. Only God knows and I have no choice but to trust it to Him.